then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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