we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
