how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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