we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
