Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
