We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
