i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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