I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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