The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
