I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
