If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
