My liver just broke up with me...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
