I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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