Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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