I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
