I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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