im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
