you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
