I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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