Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Oh god it's open bar.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
