i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
