We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
