I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
