I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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