I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
