Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
