Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
