at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
