Already got asked if we're dating
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
