Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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