AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
