He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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