OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Someone signed my nipple.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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