Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
