He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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