So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
