Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
