I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
