there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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