Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
