I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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