I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
