why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
