margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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