I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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