Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
