Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
