Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
