Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
