haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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