I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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