I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
...so i touched it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
