How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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