You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
