i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
