So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
