6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
