yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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