chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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