Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
